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One young academically excellent person went for an interview for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the first interview; BUT in that Company, the director did the last interview, made the last decision. The director discovered from the CV, that the youth’s academic result was excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never was there a year he did not score. The director asked, “Did you obtain any scholarship in school?” and the youth answered “no”. The director asked, ” Did your father pay your school fees?”. The youth answered, “my father passed away when I was one year old and it was my mother who paid my school fees”. The director asked, ” Where did your mother work?” the youth answered, “my mother worked as cloth cleaner.” The director requested the youth to show his hands and the youth showed a pair of hands that was smooth and perfect to the director.

The director asked,  ” Did you ever help your mother wash clothes before?” The youth answered, “never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books, furthermore, my mother could wash clothes faster than I could “The director said, I have a request, when you go back today, go and help to clean your mother’s hand, and then see me tomorrow morning. The youth felt that the chance of landing the job was high and when he went back, he happily wanted to clean his mother’s hands. His mother felt strange. With happiness mixed with fear, she showed her hands to the kid. The youth cleaned his mother’s hands slowly and his tears fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother’s hands were so wrinkled, and that there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that she shuddered when his mother’s hands were cleaned with water. This is the first time that the youth realized and experienced that it is this pair of hands that washed the clothes every day to earn him the school fees and that the bruises in the mother’s hand were the price that the mother paid for his graduation and academic excellence and probably his future. After finishing the cleaning of his mother’s hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother. That night, the mother and son talked for a very long time. Next morning, the youth went to the director’s office. The director noticed the tear in the youth’s eye and asked: “Can you tell what you did and learnt yesterday in your house?”The youth answered, “I cleaned my mother’s hands and also finished washing all the remaining clothes”. The director asked, “Please tell me what you felt

“The youth said: “
Number 1, I know what appreciation is now’. Without my mother, I would not be successful today.
Number 2, Now I know how to work together with my mother. Only now do I realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done.
Number 3, I know the importance and value of family relationship.

The director said, “This is what I am asking, I want to recruit a person that can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the suffering of others to get things done, and a person that would not put money as his only goal in life to be my manager. You are hired. “Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates, every employee worked diligently and as a team and the company improved tremendously. The Lessons from this anecdote: A child who has been protected and habitually given whatever he needs, develops “entitlement mentality” and always puts himself first. He is ignorant of his parents’ efforts. When he starts work, he assumes every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the suffering of his employees and always blame others. These kinds of people, may/will achieve good results and may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel a sense of achievement  or satisfaction. If we happen to be this kind of (protective) parent, this is the time to ask the question- whether we did/do love our kids or destroy them.-You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn to play the piano, watch a big screen TV but when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it.-After a meal, let them wash their plate and bowl together with their brothers and sisters.-It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love and show them the correct way. -You want them to understand that no matter how rich their parent are, one day they will grow old, become weak and that their hair too will grow grey.-The most important thing is for your kid to learn how to appreciate, experience and learn the effort and ability needed to work with others to get things done. They should also value, appreciate what the parents have done and love them for who they are!

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This is an article I came across today in TOI that emphasizes what I believe in about changing a personality that is always possible by deconditioning.

Conditioning is an integral part of life, discovered the American psychologist Broadus J Watson, after researching the subject at great length. Every human being is born in an environment, so everyone is subject to environmental conditioning. There is no exception whatsoever. So, every one of us is conditioned one way or other.

Professor Watson’s finding is perhaps relevant. We do lead conditioned lives. But there is more to the finding than is apparent. It is half of the truth. He elaborated on the law of conditioning, but said nothing about the law of deconditioning. According to his research, everyone is bound to live a conditioned life. It is everyone’s fate and no one can escape from it.

It’s an unnatural statement. It is a fact that everyone is subject to conditioning but it is also a fact that every form of conditioning can be reversed. Conditioning is a phenomenon of thinking; so it can be changed by counter-thinking. Thinking and counter-thinking are both well within the capacity of the mind.

The modern computer is a small mechanical model of man’s mind. Everyone knows that a computer can delete anything that you want it to delete. If you feed something into the computer, and then you want to delete it; this can be done, simply by striking a small key. Man’s mind is an inconceivably large model of the computer. If a small mind can delete an item without failure, it is inconceivable that a bigger model cannot do the same.

The deconditioning of mind also has a small touch-button. This touch-button is a simple phrase of just three words: “I was wrong.” Say with complete sincerity: “I was wrong” and you can delete any type of conditioning in a second.

Watson himself is proof that environmental conditioning can be reversed in the later period of one’s life. As a matter of fact, Watson first deconditioned himself, consciously or unconsciously, and only then was he able to discover the phenomenon of conditioning. So, if this deconditioning was possible for him, why should it not be possible for others?

Deconditioning is the only way to intellectual development. It is accepted that education is an important tool for personality development. At the same time, one must try to decondition one’s mind; otherwise one cannot receive the fruits of education.

I know a member of a minority community who was obsessed with the concept of discrimination. He said that unless there is reservation for members of minority groups, he would not be able to find a good job in this country. I said: “No, at present you are thinking in terms of discrimination, but please try to understand the matter in terms of excellence.” I reminded him: “There is always room at the top.” If you were an average student, then you might face some kind of discrimination, not only here but elsewhere, too. But if you made the effort to do well, then you would certainly get the job you desired. There is a limit to discrimination and you could cross that limit only with dedication and hard work.

The student took my advice and thought again. He increased his efforts and the result was miraculous. He got good marks and eventually achieved what he wanted to; he got a good job here.

Those who look only at external factors invariably underestimate their own capacity. But those who discover themselves become free of this obsession and can meet all challenges. Decondition your conditioning and you will instantly emerge a new person – even better than what you were in the past.

I would love to share this article I came across recently as I found it really enchanting!!

The Invitation by Oriah

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

One of the most powerful things in the world is POSITIVITY..be it thinking or talking or doing…Almost all of us know this but we still lose hope many a times because of initial hurdles, the fear of negativity and not believing in ourselves…

In scenarios where we don’t get overwhelmed by negativity at all…and just be POSITIVE…things work…and we give the credit to our GOOD LUCK!! But it is ALL positivity in your mind that helped you succeed…”

Below is something that Abdul Kalam wrote:

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn’t realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy’s mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad’s voice over the wind yell, “Bart, Hold on tightly.” So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy’s mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, “Tammy, don’t fall!” And Tammy did… fall.

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can’t visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn’t get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, “Don’t drop it!” Naturally, I dropped the ball.

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper “self-talk.” They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn’t. I’ll never make it pro, but I’m now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, “Okay, try to drop the pencil.” Observe what they do.

Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, “You weren’t paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again.” Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

The point is made.

If you tell your brain you will “give it a try,” you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a “no try” rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won’t. Either they will be at the party or they won’t. I’m brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don’t know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words “I’ll try” come out of my mouth unless I’m teaching this concept in a seminar.

If you “try” and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can’t make a decision I will tell the truth. “Sorry John. I’m not sure if I will be at your party or not. I’ve got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite.”

People respect honesty. So remove the word “try” from your vocabulary.

My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.

These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.

So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, ” I’m fat. Nobody will like me. I’ll try this diet. I’m not good enough. I’m so stupid. I’m broke, etc. etc.”

If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.

Notice when you or other people use them.

Ø But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Ø Try: Presupposes failure.
Ø If: Presupposes that you may not.
Ø Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.
Ø Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen.
Ø Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen (and implies guilt.)
Ø Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
Ø Can’t/Don’t: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Examples:
Toxic phrase: “Don’t drop the ball!”
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: “Catch the ball!”

Toxic phrase: “You shouldn’t watch so much television.”
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: “I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!”

Dream is not what you see in sleep…is the thing which does not let you SLEEP!!!”

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A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track.

The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange. You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way?

 Let’s take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make……..

Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. Exactly, to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally. But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place?

 Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was. This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how far-sighted and knowledgeable the minority are. The child who chose not to play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him.

The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train’s sirens. If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track! Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one.

‘Remember that what’s right isn’t always popular… and what’s popular isn’t always right.’

Everybody makes mistakes; that’s why they put erasers on pencils

Still many believe that they are right by changing the course of train. Do YOU?”

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One day I decided to quit…
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality… I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
“God”, I said. “Can you give me one good reason not to quit?”
His answer surprised me…
“Look around”, He said. “Do you see the fern and the bamboo?”
“Yes”, I replied.
When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
“In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. “I would not quit.” He said. “Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.

Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant… But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots.

Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.”

He said to me. “Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots.”

“I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. ” Don’t compare yourself to others ..” He said. ” The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern … Yet, they both make the forest beautiful.”

Your time will come, ” God said to me. ” You will rise high! ” How high should I rise?” I asked.

How high will the bamboo rise?” He asked in return.

“As high as it can? ” I questioned.

” Yes. ” He said, “Give me glory by rising as high as you can. ”

I left the forest and bring back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

He will never give up on you.

Never regret a day in your life.

Good days give you happiness

Bad days give you experiences;

Both are essential to life.

A happy and meaningful life requires our continuous input and creativity. It does not happen by chance. It happens because of our choices and actions. And each day we are given new opportunities to choose and act and, in doing so, we create our own unique journey.” Keep going…

Happiness keeps you Sweet,

Trials keep you Strong, Sorrows keep you Human,
Failures keep you humble, Success keeps You Glowing, but Only God keeps You Going!

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Everything in life has a beautiful ending.
If it is’nt beautiful,then be sure its not the ending……its just the beginning…….. 

 Keep smiling

Keep trying 

Keep getting success

Reading this helps everytime I decide to quit…hope it helps you too”

What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.

What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.

We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic.

We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.

 How? ……….By your reaction.

You cannot control a red light. but you can control your reaction. Don’t let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.

Let’s use an example.

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.

What happens next will be determined by how you react. 

You curse.

You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.

Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.

After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.

When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why? …. Because of how you reacted in the morning. 

Why did you have a bad day?

A)    Did the coffee cause it?

B)    Did your daughter cause it?

C)    Did the policeman cause it?

D)    Did you cause it?

The answer is “D”.

You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, “Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time”. Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference? 

Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.

Why? 

Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don’t be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don’t have to let the negative comment affect you!

React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them?

WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?

Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it. 

You are told you lost your job.

Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.

The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take outpour frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on.

Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.

Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.

The result? 

Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. We all must understand and apply the 90/10 principle.

 It CAN change your life!!!

A great article by Stephen Covey. From my personal experience, I can say that it takes so much effort to apply this in your daily life but it definitely gets results.

Measured responses always saves our relationships, relieves us from any additional stress that we might get due to hasty reactions!!! “